Writing, Blogging & a Novel - Oh my!

 

When I was much younger, I tried to keep handwritten journals, but often times I would find it hard to write the same things over and over again and found it a little discouraging. There has been a slight desire within me to write. It took me awhile to figure out what medium I prefered.

 

Over the years of my adulthood, I have discovered blogging. I have found it to be a very effective tool for me to sort out my feelings, evaluate where my life was and now is, and see if there's any more room for improvement, or something else I could do. Occasionally, I have felt the compulsion to write about particularly stinging events that occurred to me in my teen years that continue to haunt me to this day.

 

On many occasions, I have revisited The Green Boot incident. I continued to be haunted by this event, usually on a monthly occurrence. Finally, I decided to write it out on my blog. It's here, word for word:

 

For those of you who didn't go to my high school when I was going there, this title makes absolutely no sense. But for the little who did and have actually stumbled across this page on some type of search engine, you might remember it.

 

There was this little drama group that put on skits at lunch-time to draw in money for the drama club and to entertain us in our mundane little town. I enjoyed watching them perform. They were fabulous actors, and hilarious!

 

Now, to explain some things, for those of you who don't know (and I'd be amazed by this fact), I lived throughout my teens in a small town in Alberta known as Strathmore. I moved there when I was nine years old, and it became my own personal Hell. See my section on my website called Mell's Hell for a complete detailed story about what occurred here. Suffice it to say, I was treated as an outcast and made fun of horribly in this town.

 

So this little drama group who called their act "The Green Boot" actually made high school somewhat bearable for me. For a lunch hour on Tuesday, I could forget my troubles and laugh at their silliness. I've always been drawn into silly comedies, and found these guys could be just as good as The Kids in the Hall, or Saturday Night Live back in the early 90s (you know, when it was actually funny).

 

One day they decided to take a risk and do a skit that had some "questionable material" in it. Basically, a skit about a waiter who was turned on by everything the couple mentioned. Now, I found this skit to be quite hilarious, in fact was in tears laughing and busted all kinds of guts.

 

Halfway through their skit, the drama teacher flagged down the stage lights (which was her way of saying CUT!) and they were no longer allowed to perform this particular skit. I was one of the first people to boo her, as I don't believe in censorship at all, especially when it comes to the arts.

 

The next day, news spread around school that Green Boot had officially been canceled by the principal of the school, because the office received student complaints about the scene. Since I was being treated as an outcast, someone must have thought it would be funny to say it was me who did it.

 

I have no idea who started that rumour, or where that came around. All I know is news spread fast in that small little Hell town, so when I went into my drama class, I received the nastiest, icy looks from everyone in the class.

 

Every once in awhile, I find myself reflecting on this event in my life. I do believe it to be one of my defining moments, and it wasn't a good one. I didn't defend myself at all. The people in that town had beaten me down with insults so bad that at that time I could barely speak in an audible voice, and depression had taken a huge toll on my life. I didn't defend myself because that's when I finally gave up trying.

 

I thought these drama guys were self-proclaimed anti-conformists, and didn't go in with the "in" crowd at all. They seemed different, and wouldn't actually insult me or anything, so that's probably why I enjoyed watching their skits. But when I saw those looks on their faces that morning, it made my self-worth sink right into the pit of my stomach. Now, even the non-conformists hated me!

 

I know it's silly to obsess about such a stupid little event years after it happened. I find myself constantly looking back on that experience, wishing I had defended myself, or found out who spread around that rumour so I could kick his/her ass. It was the last straw, the last break, that I had for any kind of hope that my life would turn out okay.

 

So, I don't know if anyone from The Green Boot will be reading this or not. In fact, I have no contact at all with my former high school (or Strathmore) life at all. But in case they find this in a search engine, I would like to set the record straight. I didn't complain about that skit.

 

In fact, I support freedom of speech, especially in the arts. I absolutely hate it whenever some uppity people get upset that some rock band they don't like, and have to complain about it to the point of getting it canceled. If you don't like it, don't listen to it. Just don't ruin it for everyone else!

 

Take Marilyn Manson, for instance. While I may not like all of his music, I do like some songs. When he was scheduled to play a concert in Calgary back then, all the parents who believe he's an evil influence on their children complained to the point that they got the show canceled. I can't stand it when people do this about anything, really. Like the UFC. I'm not personally a fan of this kind of sport, but just because I don't like it doesn't mean that I have to ruin it for people who do like it. Make sense?

 

This is always how I felt about things. It's the same kind of mentality that those Beatles-haters back in the 60s were displaying. Again, if you don't like something, don't watch/listen to it. Just don't ruin it for everyone else. And if you are so concerned that your children are so weak that they get swayed by a rock star or a sport of some kind, well, you are a terrible parent who doesn't know how to teach your kids values. Try to give your kids some credit. They are not that weak.

 

Anyways, as I was saying about my story. I just want to send out the message that I didn't cancel Green Boot. In fact, I actually find it more of an insult that people thought I would be offended by that skit's material. It wasn't really that bad. (Actually, I just discovered from my brother that they ripped it off from an old low-budget movie.)

 

I would like to come to a point in my life when my past doesn't haunt me. I don't know if that's possible, but I felt the compulsion to write something about it today, as once again, I found myself thinking about it.

 

As I mentioned earlier, I do link it to the last time I gave a damn about my life. It was the very last straw I had left that I thought I could pull myself out of the Hell that was my life. Perhaps it's why I haven't really accomplished much in my life since, other than failing at quite a lot of things. Just feeling like, why bother? Hmmmm…

 

After writing that entry in my journal, I discovered something quite amazing. I had completely stopped thinking about it. Months had gone by and it was not haunting me anymore. That amazed me like nothing else. I realized that by writing it on my blog, I sort of purged it out of my system. It was no longer consuming my life.

 

Realizing that has made me decide that I am going to attempt to write my story into a novel now. Not only do I feel I need to share my story with the world, but I also want to ultimately heal from the wounds of the past and stop continuing to put salt in them. I want to purge these experiences out of my life once and for all and finally get on with living my life the way I was supposed to be living it in the first place.

 

I will start the process of writing the story I've written here into a much more elaborate book, and hopefully I can get it published. What I hope for more, though, is that I will finally be over all of this crap and get on with my life. Stay tuned for more information on my novel when I have completed it. I might even post a link if I get it published on this site, which will likely be in the Mell's Sell section.

 

It's funny, being a graphic designer, I already have the cover designed for the book. Now I just need the words.