Help!

As my last blog post indicated, I have been struggling all of August with depression. It seemed like every day it was worse than the day before.

Usually when I find myself in this depressive funk, I can always see a light at the end of the dark tunnel, my metaphor for the depression. I know it will end very soon; that I just need to be patient and let it come and go like the waves on a beach.

This time, though, I was not seeing that light. As I indicated in the last post, I felt I was experiencing an early onset of my usual fall depression, and couldn't see it getting any better for the remainder of the year, at least!

When last Monday rolled around, I couldn't shake the complete and utter feelings of despondency that I was feeling. It was hitting me hard. I could feel pain in my solar plexus, like a swirling counter-clockwise whirl of heavy air. I fought every urge I had to call in sick and stay in bed, as I don't really have any more days I can take off this year other than at Christmas for the annual office closure. I decided to give myself a goal for the day: I would call my doctor and book an appointment.

I did that as soon as I could, which turned out to be on Tuesday. This time, I will make the doctor listen to my concerns, or I will find another doctor! I thought to myself.

I have had some issues with my doctor in the past, where I bring this up and he shrugs it off, insisting that if I am able to go to work, I'm not as bad as other people.

I decided to try out taking a medication to treat my ongoing depression and also anxiety issues that I've been experiencing. Normally, I express much trepidation about using prescription drugs to treat these things, as I do firmly believe that the pharmaceutical industry is simply trying to make money off of people, or people are looking for artificial happiness and not dealing with the root causes of the problem. However, as I didn't see myself feeling any better for quite awhile, and feeling tired of having to deal with this damned depression all the time, I decided that perhaps I should try one to see how it helps. What I have been doing so far has clearly not been working out for me.

So the appointment came. I told the doctor I've been struggling with this deep feeling of despondency all of August and I didn't see it going away for a long time. I told him I think I've reached a point in my life where I have to try to treat it with medication. What I have been doing so far just isn't working.

He finally listened to me and decided to give me a trial medication to use, that will deal with both the depression and the anxiety I feel. He also gave me a request to get some bloodwork done just to rule out any medical problem. He also gave me a referral to something called Bounce Back, which is a program in BC to help people self-treat themselves.

I was recommended this program before and got the DVD but felt it was a little weak in terms of helping me out. There was no referral either. This time, the doctor referred me to a coach, and that person will be helping me by giving me various assignments to do and so forth. We have a phone interview on Tuesday at 6:00 pm.

I started taking the medication on Tuesday night, after the pharmacist recommended I take it in the evenings as the major side effect is grogginess. I did feel tired for the first couple of days, but have also noticed that feeling of despair has lessened. I'm not exactly happy yet, but don't feel that swirling feeling in my gut anymore either.

I will have a follow up doctor appointment on September 8th. I'm also going to see Weird Al that night. It should be an interesting day, I would think. LOL

Because of the tiredness I have been feeling since starting the half-dose medication (for one week, then it goes up to one pill), I still haven't been exercising. However, I have not been bingeing either. Hopefully the energy will come back to me soon.

I will keep everyone updated on this.