Dear Mellissa

Dear Mellissa,

Happy 18th birthday! It's been awhile since I've talked with you. I thought I would try to write a letter to you to show you some much needed appreciation.

First of all, I want to say that I love you. You are a warrior. You are an individual who refuses to compromise who you are for popularity. You know what you like and what you don't like. You care about other people, whether or not they deserve it. You are unique and I very much appreciate you.

I know life has been rough for you. You are truly dealing with some crazy shit that no one deserves to go through. Every day you walk through those doors to school you are showing the world how brave you truly are. You are the hero of your own story. Remember that.

As it turns out, your suspicions that you have ADD is actually very apt. It's my bad that I didn't follow through with figuring out how to deal with it until now at 45, but I do acknowledge that you suspected this and am here to tell you that you were 100% correct. This is why you struggled so much in school throughout the years, particularly with reading. The teachers thought it was issues with reading comprehension, but in all reality it is that you can't concentrate on what you are reading enough to even try to understand it. Your mind wanders aimlessly throughout reading. It's very irritating, but please don't give up on reading. You will find yourself enjoying books, and even learning about subjects you never thought you'd be interested in.

I know you are struggling with feelings of loneliness and isolation, as well as battling a serious depression beast. These feelings continue throughout your adulthood. I'm sorry I didn't reach out to you before this, but I didn't know what to say at the time. I have spent so much time and energy trying to forget everything about you, including your emotions, that I just never gave you much thought before. I'm so sorry about that. I feel like I've neglected you. It wasn't done consciously.

You've struggled for years with other kids in your school insulting you and making fun of you, or completely ignoring you or excluding you from things. It will get worse in a couple of months, as the only friend you have left will say something that offends you deeply. You know you are already feeling she's drifting away from you, and has since high school started. You will break off all communication with her after this incident. It's okay to do that. She hasn't been a good friend to you for awhile now. She's only been talking to you if there's no one else to talk to around her. You deserve better than that. You really do.

I know it seems like life is a never-ending pit of despair, but I am here to tell you that it gets better. Sure, there will be some stumbles in your life, as your experiences in Strathmore are going to impact some of your decisions in very negative ways. When you come to realize that, and begin to show yourself the love you deserve, you are not going to make these mistakes anymore. You will find yourself working full-time as a graphic designer and living in the Metro Vancouver region in BC. It gets way better than this feeling of being trapped in Strathmore. Believe me.

The painful experiences you have gone through were rough. I want to tell you something that I wish someone had told me years ago: you are not ugly. They were wrong. I mean, really, look around you. None of these people would win beauty pageants, so who are they to tell you you're ugly? They're the ugly people for even calling you that. I have learned, however, that this bullying is not even about you, despite it being so personal. They are deflecting their own insecurities about themselves on to you. You have become their focus because, let's face it, there was nothing else to do in this shithole of a town.

You aren't at all like them and they find that weird. I think it's weird they all want to be the same. Seriously, you will find out after being away from that town for a long time, when you do return, you will see something truly frightening. Every woman will be wearing exactly the same thing. Same mom jeans, same t-shirts, with maybe variations on colour or prints, but the same damned t-shirts. It'll be a horrifying and disturbing experience, similar to feeling like you are in the Children of the Corn movie, but it will make you laugh later on. It will make you realize how ridiculous everyone there was. It's perfectly okay to be different.

You learned to cope with your experiences by escaping into a fantasy world. That's also okay. You didn't know how else to cope with your feelings and needed a break from the pain. I get it. I do want you to know that you don't have to keep doing it once these times have gone. Learn to deal with your emotions, with your past, with your life. Get out there and do things! Let your hair down once in awhile and feel free to experience things that excite you. You can't let those bastards win by ruining your life or being overly obsessed with these experiences. Most important of all, you must learn how to forgive.

Forgiveness is not saying what they did to you was okay. It's not okay. It never was. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself from their grasp and learning to let it go. By holding on to your resentment over your treatment in Strathmore, you are going to give them more power over you than they deserve. Trust me when I tell you this: they aren't worth it. They are nothings. Nobodies. You don't even see any of them anymore. They are merely insignificant blips on the path of your life. Release yourself from them by forgiving them and put it behind you. Life is not about looking back on life, or worrying about the future, but about what you decide to do in the present moment.

It is also very important that you forgive yourself, too. You have tried many things to try to fix this situation, but nothing has worked. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't deserve it. You are not being punished for a troubled past life. Please don't let their words bring you down. You are not ugly. It's also perfectly okay to be a geek. In fact, embrace it. Let your geek pride flag fly proudly. Your love of superheroes, and science fiction and fantasy stories help get you out of your own head and into something that is very popular today. It helps you develop a deep and wonderful imagination, which will help you as an artist and as a writer. In fact, some of the most powerful lessons and takeaways from these stories help shape you into who you are and what you are interested in. It makes you care more about other people and the natural world. It makes you want to strive towards a Next Generation inspired utopia of life.

You are perfectly okay as you are. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. You will even discover something about yourself you don't even know is a thing in another 15 years. Continue to be brave, continue to show up proudly wherever you are, and continue being you. You are awesome!

Well, it comes to a point where I must wind up this letter before I wind up writing a whole novel. I just want you to know how proud I am of you, of how you are carrying on, how you are coping, and what you are doing. I love you! You are a warrior! Believe in yourself. Live long and prosper, and may the force be with you, always.

With eternal gratitude,

Mell