An update on me

Hello all! I know, it's been way too long since I've written a post, so I thought I would try to write one. I really don't have much of a topic to discuss and haven't for awhile now, which is why the lack of blogs as of late. So I will see where the keyboard takes me.

From my last posting, I had mentioned that my struggles with depression had gotten so out of hand that I was feeling a massive amount of pain in my solar plexus and decided to seek help for it. The anti-depressant has actually helped to drive that pain feeling away and I am finding myself no longer feeling that huge sense of despondency I was feeling all of August. I don't know if I qualify as being happy, though. More of a "meh..." feeling. I just know that I am no longer feeling that massive pain and despondent feeling so that must be a good thing.

The Bounce Back program I mentioned before is also quite interesting. They give you workbooks to work through and help you change your thinking or disposition. I've done the first two already, and have asked for three of them to work on, which I received earlier this week. I will tackle these as soon as I can. The first two workbooks were a little light though and I only really got one tidbit out of them. These next sets are supposed to be more in-depth.

I guess the point is I need to find a way to stop the depression from coming back time and time again and the only way I can do that is to find a way to change my outlook on life. Change my mood. Change me, if you will. I can't expect some fairy Godmother to swoop down from the sky, wave a magic wand, and poof! Happy! It doesn't work that way for anyone.

The life situation hasn't changed as of yet. I'm still struggling with weight issues. I'm still very isolated and feel more outcasted than I probably ever have. Oddly enough, I am getting out at least once a week to my Emotions Anonymous meetings and talking my emotions out. I find it very helpful, even lead some meetings from time to time. But I still don't feel like I'm socializing. My whole socializing experiences seem to be online on Facebook mostly. Is that socializing? It's hard to tell.

One thing I have noticed since taking the anti-depressants is that I am finding myself getting angrier than I usually am. I find it harder to deal with the usual bull shit at work, or stupid drivers who don't know how to use a signal light, or even those who just back up out of their parking spots in their gigantic trucks without looking behind them, because they have nothing to fear, right? Or those weird guys at the Tim Horton's who insisted I supposedly cut in line in front of them, but is it my fault they don't know how lines work? You know, the little things.

Or those damned people who are pissing and moaning abut the new Ghostbusters movie because they are all girls. Man, I hate those people... It's just a movie! There's no reason to be so damned upset about it. And it will do absolutely nothing to take away anything from the original movie because, guess what? It will still exist! But all these guys complaining about it seem to only be complaining about it being women, which is pissing off the feminist in me. I don't know if this movie will suck or if it will be the best damned movie Hollywood has put out in years. I'm willing to give anything a shot. But when there is this concentrated hatred about it with very little information other than women are playing the lead characters, they all sound like a bunch of little school boys crying "Cooties!" to me.

Speaking of Tim Horton's... Yeah, I am finding the temptation to eat there at lunch time at work to be increasing again lately. That and my Pepsi intake has gone back to at least one a day. I know I will have to kill the Pepsi from the diet and stop eating out so damned much once again. Why do I have to work so close to a Tim's? Le sigh...

I did go on the exercise bike for two days this week so far for one hour each day. I still have to fight the low energy feeling that either the anti-depressant caused, or the depression itself caused, or Hell even the too much sugar thing has caused. I want to get in better shape this month.

Next month the new kickboxing studio is opening up in downtown Vancouver. I have bought the Groupon coupon for 10 sessions for $50, which includes the first 40 minute instruction from a trainer and boxing gloves. I'm a little scared as I am really badly out of shape. I am remembering the disaster that happened earlier this year when I attempted to do Tae Bo: Contact again. I am fearful that this will be difficult to do, but it's something I've always wanted to try to do. That or some type of martial art.

I noticed this year I didn't go to the pitch and putt golf course a lot. I kind of stopped going early June. It was a bad year in terms of weather as we hardly had any rain and the greens in particular wind up looking more like pitcher mounds on baseball diamonds. But I don't think that's the only reason. It's not that I lost interest in it. It's hard to constantly go there by myself. I wish I had people to play with.

So I guess that's all I have to say for now. Feeling a little shocked that Harper seems to be leading in the polls again. Are people really that stupid? Oy... Just remember to vote on election day, but if you want to vote Conservative, vote the day after, okay? ;)

Keep on rocking in the free world!

Mell