More harm than good

I had my first psychologist meeting a week ago. It went well, though the price certainly made my eyes pop out of my head. He recommended I read a book called "The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You". I have purchased in last Friday, but was finishing reading my last book first. I should be able to attack it this week.

After doing a little research on the subject (and taking an online test), I have discovered I am overly sensitive. When I saw a part about caffeine having an effect on highly sensitive brains, I started to think about the biggest addiction I have, which is to Pepsi.

Since I can remember, Pepsi has been my go-to for whenever I start to feel myself feel overwhelmed or emotional or stressed or even as just a treat. Sometimes there are different sodas that come into play, like Sprite or 7-Up or Barq's Root Beer, but a good 95% of the time, it is Pepsi.

After reading a little bit on the web about highly sensitive people, I started to think about it. I'd convinced myself that a Pepsi will make me feel better. Then I get myself into a one-a-day habit, or sometimes more than one-a-day, but then I would realize I was feeling worse. In fact, the harder I binged on Pepsi, the deeper the clouds of depression were on my head.

So a week ago last Friday I made a conscious decision to rid myself of Pepsi. Not an easy task for someone who has had such a long addiction to it as I have had. Of course, in the beginning, the dreaded caffeine withdrawal headache was there, but also I noticed the day after I gave up Pepsi, the heavy thick cloud of depression started to dissipate.

I also decided to stop drinking soda altogether, which I have been soda-free for a week now. It was hard, and I have to admit there are days I am still tempted to have a sweet soda, but I'm doing a pretty good job so far of ending this addiction. The best news is after a week, I feel like the cloud of depression is a good 90% gone and I actually cleaned the majority of my house over the weekend; a task I've been putting off for a couple of months.

I have created a new mantra, or inner dialogue, for myself to help me get rid of the need for soda, which is: Soda will not make me feel better: it actually makes me feel worse!

So far, it is working. However I am feeling a little cautious as we approach a long weekend this upcoming weekend. I am used to getting a pack of soda and some chips on long weekends, so I'm going to have to work even harder to ensure I don't slip into that habit this weekend.

Today I went to Tim Horton's for lunch (yet another bad habit I have to eventually cut out). Usually I grab a Pepsi with my lunch, but today I had a hot chocolate instead. I know it's not healthier, but to me, that is a victory. Eating out is also going to be a challenge as my first instinct is to reach for soda. The first challenge since I gave it up has gone well.

I hope I can continue with this. Yesterday I weighed myself for the first time in a long time, and discovered I gained weight, back up to 222 pounds (from 203 the last time I weighed in a few months ago). While I am not entirely surprised by that number, it does anger me that I let it get back up there again, almost at my highest recorded weight ever, which was 228 pounds.

I'm going to try to cut down my eating out instances and definitely stick to this no soda thing. I will keep you posted on my progress.

I do feel so much better now that my head is way clearer.