Winter is upon us
Hello all. It has been awhile since I've posted so I thought I'd bring people up to date with what has been happening since my last post.
I have still stayed away from soda completely. I know if I can last past the New Year, I will have conquered that long-standing addiction. There are occasions when I find myself missing it still, but I know in my mind it's not good for me. I know I can last this season without having a Pepsi.
One thing I do find horrible though is that this year I've seen my weight increase again. I was finally starting to get to the lower 200's about to break the 200 mark, when I started gaining weight again. Now I am close to what I weighed at my top weight, if not right there. I've been avoiding the scale for awhile now.
I have basically decided to stick with the old Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss Solution book that I have. Some of the 7 keys I feel I am getting a handle on. I am definitely working on Key 2: Healing Feelings by going to therapy and Emotions Anonymous meetings. I still want to work some more on it to the point where I don't feel like eating whenever I get emotional, which is still a problem.
I feel I am also working on building Key 7: Your Circle of Support. I have a weight loss buddy now, and we meet once a week on Wednesdays to go over our week and goals.
As far as the other 5 keys go, there is still some work to be done on those. I plan on re-reading my notes about the book during my week off of work and start focusing on losing weight in 2017. I want to finally be successful at that.
One thing I find very hard to give up at the moment is cheese and breads/grains. I'm eating lots of it, and completely blame my bigger belly on it. I know I have a sensitivity to gluten and may have to go back to gluten free pasta. I will say I hate gluten free bread. Tiny little loafs that are super expensive and always have to be toasted because they taste stale. I like to have a peanut butter and jam sandwich in the mornings, with a banana and a glass of Vanilla soy milk. I may have to revise that somehow.
I will develop a full plan next week and will likely make another blog post about that. I want to set real definitive goals for attaining certain things and schedule it into my iCal app. Basically, I want to break down each Key into several easier to manage steps, and try to give myself deadlines for those manageable steps. That is the only goal I want to work on next year: lose weight.
Seeing myself in holiday photos from the Christmas party makes me feel really fat, especially in comparison to others in the same photos. They all look so thin and fit, and here I am with a huge round body and round face. Blah! The weight makes me feel so unattractive and might even be a huge reason why my self-confidence needs a boost. I also feel that if I do actually achieve this goal of mine, I will finally feel like I've conquered what seemed to be the impossible goal of losing weight, which might also make me feel better about myself.
As for my plans for the rest of the year, I have 2 more days of work, then I am off for the rest of the year. I am having a small gathering of Star Trek peeps over to my house on Christmas Eve for a little pizza party. We might play board games or watch movies or figure out what to do from there. Other than that, my plans for the remaining days are very open. I want to go through my spare room and purge some of the things out of there in an attempt to eventually downsize once I find a suitable place to live or get accepted into a housing co-op. The rest of the time I will relax, try to watch the new Star Wars movie, work on creating the specific plan for 2017, and read more of the Highly Sensitive Person book.
Am I still happy? Well, I am happier than I have been in a few years, but not quite as happy as I was in my last post. The therapy is starting to target the bullying years and I am finding the resentments bubbling to the surface. But that's the point, I guess. If I want to finally put behind me all of that crap that happened as a kid, I have to acknowledge what happened and how it made me feel. The anger (or resentment) I am feeling is likely what is keeping the pain inside, so I have to be willing to let go of the anger and allow the pain to come into play. Only then can I finally say I've closed the book on that chapter and can move on.
Well, I suppose I should wind this post up now. Thanks for reading for all who do.