I Just Can't Even...

I feel the need to write a blog post because certain current events lately are really getting me down. I'm finding it very upsetting emotionally and, as a result, have already seen a problem with my weight again. The plan I was so excited about last entry seems to have fallen by the sideline again. I am attempting to blog out my feelings now because I know I cannot get back on track until I do. Warning: This will likely be a rant of a blog post and there may be some swears here and there. Here goes...

It has only been a little more than a week since Donald Trump took office in the U.S. and already he has caused so much harm. His appointments to very important offices seem to be people who basically want to destroy those offices from the inside. All he seems to be doing is making executive orders designed to discriminate against someone in some way. He's waging a war against scientists, women, Mexicans, Muslims, and is basically going to destroy the tourism industry in America, and possibly abroad, as well as hurt many other businesses. He seems to be pure evil. I cannot see one positive thing he has said or done.

It is causing me to feel all sorts of emotions. Anger, fear, anxiety, depression, despair, despondence, sadness, and so on. I have a hard time distancing myself from these events, even though I live in Canada not the U.S., because I am cursed with being a highly sensitive person. I can empathize with other people and feel the pain and frustration they feel when they are being oppressed based on what they look like.

I too was judged harshly based on what I looked like, from about age 9 until I graduated from high school. Every single day, I was called ugly by all the students I went to school with. I never said or did anything to them. It hurt. So when I wake up to a Facebook feed jammed with news stories about Trump signing a temporary ban on all Muslims from certain countries from entering the States (even those with American Visas), it upsets me.

This is precisely what ISIL wants. A war between the Muslims and the Jewish/Christians. And stupid Trump is falling right into their plan. It is not any different than the internment of the many innocent Japanese people during World War II. Judging an entire race or religion for the actions of a few assholes is terrible. Do we blame Christianity for the atrocities committed by madmen like Charles Manson?

All of this has made me struggle lately because I can't just ignore it. I really wish I could. My fear is that if good people ignore the evil atrocities committed by tyrants who have let the power go to their heads, that we will see a rise of another Hitler. Perhaps if people stood up to him when he just got into power, WWII might not have happened. Can we afford to turn a blind eye to the atrocious behaviour of Donald J. Trump? I fear a WWIII will be inevitable within these next 4 years, maybe within the year. I only live about 30 minutes away from the U.S. border—way too close to be near a possible nuclear war.

The problem I now face is what can I do about it? I can't turn off my heart and pretend like this shit isn't going on. I can't stay off of Facebook or ignore the news either. Many people are protesting Trump, even as I write this post now, but it's having no affect. In fact, immediately after the Women's march last week, Trump retaliated by taking away reproductive rights. He is so thin-skinned that he will retaliate against anyone who dare offends or insults him. So what makes it okay for him to do the same thing to women? Or Mexicans? Or Muslims? Or whoever else he seems to dislike? SNL?

At this point, I don't even want Trudeau to do business deals with Trump at all. We shouldn't be cooperating with a tyrant. We need to distance ourselves from American business, siting bad policies as a reason, and start opening up more trading opportunities with countries that aren't turning into a dictatorship. But I feel Trudeau will be too polite to Trump and cower to whatever he wants just to ensure it doesn't hurt our economy. The only way to fight this might be economically. Hate is just bad for business.

Do I feel better now that I've written all this down? Nope. I'm really trying to find a silver lining, but sadly I'm having a hard time doing that right now.

I need to find a way to ensure what he does and any other terrible news stories like this doesn't sabotage my weight loss efforts. When I feel emotional, I eat a lot of unhealthy foods. I will also say that I was tempted quite a lot this week to want to reach for a Pepsi. I can say I have been able to keep that desire at bay, but that desire is there and I hope I can continue to remain Pepsi-free. I want to try to last a year without having a drop of soda. So far, it's been almost 4 months.

In terms of other things, I have been eating a lot of food lately. Lots of pizza, cheese smothered piles of pasta, grilled cheese sandwiches, milkshakes, chocolate, doughnuts... the list could go on forever. And my exercise has not been very good this month. I managed to exercise for 5 days, then stopped doing it. Another bad habit I have is when I feel all this crap, I tend to become the biggest couch potato. I'm also having issues with oversleeping as of late, as the despair hits me early on and I find that some days I just can't even...

I will now leave you with John Lennon's Imagine:

Imagine there's no heaven It's easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people Living for today... Aha-ah... Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion, too Imagine all the people Living life in peace... You... You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will be as one Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of man Imagine all the people Sharing all the world... You... You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will live as one