Happiness

In my last post, I had a revelation that the reason behind my apprehension to change my diet and cut out the carb addiction is because I fear that no matter what I do, I'll always be unhappy. Oddly enough, I've tied the idea of losing weight to whether or not I'll be happy. That notion, of course, is illogical.

Last weekend at my EA meeting, there was a line read from the Just For Today sheet, that stated: Just for today I will try to be happy, realizing my happiness does not depend on what others do or say or what happens around me. Happiness is a result of being at peace with myself.

I've been attempting to be at peace with myself all week. So far, it's going fine. I think the idea works best if you release your attachment to desires, dreams, ambitions, goals, the future, the past, and just live for today, and appreciate where you are, what you are doing and everything else about what life has to offer you today.

Lately, I've been getting back into Twitter. It's an app that I find irritating, mostly because of the jerky high school mentality on Twitter, where comments are met with haters and so forth. I am finding it to be remarkable lately. This past week alone, a serial killer was apprehended finally after years of being under the radar, by in part to a book written by the late Michelle McNamara, who's life purpose seemed to be bringing him to justice. Another story broke today that Bill Cosby was finally held accountable for crimes committed against a woman.

It's hard to stay positive and think pleasant thoughts when you start to think about politics. So many people try to say "stop paying attention to it", but I think that is irresponsible. That's how someone like Hitler or Mussolini gets into power: apathy. However, more often than not, it seems like today we are being ruled by evil powers, all obsessed with making the rich richer and everyone else gets nothing. Just today, Paul Ryan fired the house Chaplain simply because he tried to remind Congress to "think of the poor when you make your budget bill"... If that isn't evil, I don't know what is.

Also, there's a huge political tug-of-war going on in this very country. The province I now consider home (and feel like I fit in the best with) of British Columbia is trying to see if they have the right to restrict bitumen flow through pipes to be loaded onto oil barges and shipped to China or the States for refinery. We simply want to know if should a spill occur, it can actually be cleaned up in a sensitive marine environment. That has set off our next door neighbour (and the former province I'm from) Alberta into talking about a trade war between provinces because this will put the Kinder Morgan project in jeopardy. The feds seem to be on Alberta's side in this dispute, and are advocating that the project will get built, now if necessary using our taxpayer dollars to shore up the costs for Kinder Morgan. As a resident of BC, I am appalled at this idea. I don't want more of my taxes going towards billionaires threatening to pull the plug on this project if they don't force the project through BC. It's bad enough they are getting our oil for free by getting subsidies to cancel out any royalty fees we charge them for our oil, but to pay for this pipelines ourselves would be the same thing as Americans having to pay for the border wall.

Being a person originally from Alberta, I know Alberta hates it when Ottawa tries to force decisions on them, so why is this considered okay? And all of this turmoil because we dare to ask for a scientific study to assess the risk of a potential spill in either our fresh water or marine water, and how it could be cleaned up, if at all. So far, scientists do not believe it's possible based on preliminary studies. The federal Liberal party advocated for "evidence-based decisions" during the last election, which this study would be doing, yet are prepared to ignore BC and ram the project through, all because Kinder Morgan is threatening to pull the plug on the project altogether now.

When Harper was in charge, he pretty much made oil his only priority, pushing pipelines through the corrupted approval process from the NEB. The economy still fell hard when the cost of oil plummeted. It has been said that our oil is not profitable unless it can be sold for $100/barrel or more, so as long as the cost of oil is low, it's a huge risk. So why are we continuing to support this proven failure of an industry? For a handful of temporary jobs (with no real guarantee they will be hiring Canadians to do)... When over 130,000 jobs are reliant on our west coast every day. It doesn't make much economic sense to me, though to be fair I'm not an expert. But still, even I can see the writing on the wall.

So how does one stay positive when it feels like everything is against you? Many have had struggles over the years with this very concept. Every day people are doing wonderful things and barely getting acknowledged for it, like the person who saved lives in the Waffle House shooting in the States, or the Toronto police officer taking down a suspect without the use of a weapon. They are being hailed as heroes, but to a tee, neither of them feel they are heroes. They just did what they thought was the best thing to do, based on training or an opportunity presenting itself.

I guess I have to have hope that those powers that be will finally see the light and stop being so evil, for lack of a better word. The serenity prayer goes as follows "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Are politics things we can change? That's the dilemma for me. That's why it's hard for me to distance myself from these stories and events because it impacts people, myself included.

I think I've managed to find a way to be happy with myself where I am now, as long as I remember to be at peace with myself. When it comes to being happy with the way things are going in the world, I'm not sure.

Perhaps this scene from Lord of the Rings might help me figure it out:

Frodo Baggins: I can not do this, Sam.

Samwise Gamgee: I know. It's all wrong. By all rights we should not even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you did not want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they did not. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo Baggins: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Samwise Gamgee: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo ... and it's worth fighting for.

I absolutely love Samwise Gamgee. My favourite character in the series by far.

I hope this post made sense somehow. I have to hold on to the good in this world and recognize that it's worth fighting for.

Thanks for reading to those who do. Live long and prosper.